Thanks for getting the group together to celebrate Nick’s birthday. Although Nick is the leader of the Star Chamber, you are now officially appointed director of social events. This will probably be the most important moment in your life because as you know, people from El Salvador rarely accomplish much in life. In the history of civilization there has never been one person from El Salvador that has ever made any significant contribution to mankind. In fact, there are no famous people from El Salvador anywhere on earth! Ask the guys if they can name even one and pause for replies. Ok, did they name any? See, I told you. Now that you have been granted this appointment perhaps you can contact the president of El Salvador and tell him about this honor. They might make your birthday a national holiday.

 I will be asking all those in attendance how the function turned out and if they have any complaints you will be solely to blame. Your position will be taken away and given to Jarred Russell. If Jarred is there ask him if he has lost our bet yet and let me know what he says. Make sure everyone is properly seated. Nick should be some where up front with you since he is the guest of honor and if Nick Easley is there put him in the smoking section if there is one (just in case). Also, tell Nick that I hope all is going well. If Matt Patton is there don’t seat him any place where he might have to pass something to someone. It might get intercepted. Don’t let Daniel Caldera sit near the kitchen entrance because he might be mistaken for a busboy and they’ll put him to work cleaning tables or washing dishes. Make sure that Shane doesn’t sit next to Nick Easley because if can’t control his urge to light up he might accidentally burn Shane and we wouldn’t want that to happen because Shane already got burned too many times during the season. This could trigger bad memories. Nima should be seated close to the bathroom in case he throws up and Alejandro (New Mexico) should be near a door in case the Border Patrol raids the place. This will give him an opportunity to escape. Actually, you need to be close to the door too. Put Ian Higgens in a dark corner so that the glow of his red hair doesn’t blind any of the customers. The only other thing you need to do is make sure Andrew Fernandez knows where he parked his car.

                                                                                                                       Thanks,